How To Write An Obituary

You don’t always get to write about positive things. Sometimes you’re hired to write something personal and mournful, like an obituary.

These kinds of writing require a delicate balance of facts, emotions, and respect. You want to capture the essence of a person’s life, honor their memory, and comfort those they’ve left behind.

What Is an Obituary?

An obituary, or obit, is primarily a notice of someone’s death. Beyond that, it is a chance to reflect on the person’s life, their achievements, and their impact on those around them. This way, you can honor their memory and provide further closure for their family.

It typically includes essential details about the deceased’s life and information about their funeral. You usually find obits in the local newspaper, magazines, or online. 

Obituary writers are often people who are close to the deceased. It’s a task that requires one to know personal information about the person—the details that matter most. However, some do hire people to write obituaries. Or you might have offered your help to support the family during their grieving process.

Common Elements of an Obituary

Obituaries often follow a standard structure, which usually includes:

• Name, Age, and Date of Death: These details help identify the deceased.
• Brief Biography: A summary of the person’s life, including key events, career, and achievements.
• Family Information: Names of close relatives, including those who preceded the person in death.
• Funeral or Memorial Service Details: Information about when and where services will be held.
• Closing Words: A final note that encapsulates the essence of the person.

There is room to personalize the obituary. For example, not all obituaries have a photo or a list of the organizations the deceased supports. 

Writing an Obituary

If a loved one or client has asked you to write an obituary, here are the necessary steps you should take.

1. Gather information.

Collect all the necessary details. You’ll need basic biographical information such as the deceased’s full name, age, date of birth, date of death, and family information. Don’t forget the funeral arrangements, too. That’s just the basics.

Dig deeper. What were their life milestones and proudest achievements? What would they like to be remembered for? Gather anecdotes that capture their personality. Focus on the things that made them stand out. 

Always double-check your information. Any wrong details, even a simple misspelling, can diminish the obituary’s impact and purpose. 

2. Announce the death.

Start with a clear opening statement announcing the death. At the most basic, you need to provide their full name, age, dates of birth and death, and where they lived and died. 

You don’t have to include how they died. If you do, make sure to get permission from the family first. You don’t want to antagonize them in this highly emotional situation. 

3. Share details about their life.

Walk the reader through a concise retelling of the deceased’s life, highlighting their most significant events and achievements. This typically includes their education, career, hobbies, and advocacies. 

However, it’s essential to strike a balance between celebrating the person and avoiding any sense of boasting. While the deceased may have a long list of accomplishments, it’s important to focus on the ones that truly define who they were and what they valued. Select the achievements that mattered most to them or their family.

Most importantly, don’t forget about their impact on family, friends, and community. This is where you can capture the true essence of their character. Were they a doting grandparent? Did they volunteer at local events and charities? Were they always ready to lend a hand to other community members? 

4. Mention their loved ones.

It’s customary to include the deceased’s surviving loved ones. This usually means their spouse, children, siblings, and grandchildren. You can also include anyone important to them, such as closest friends, mentors, or even beloved pets.

5. Include details about the funeral or memorial.

Include information about the funeral or memorial near the bottom of the obit, such as location, date, and the name of the funeral home. Although this can sometimes be left for the funeral director to add. 

An obituary is also a way to inform those who may not be close to the family but still wish to pay their respects. They might not be aware of the passing or have the necessary details about the funeral.

If the family has chosen to hold a private funeral, state this clearly in the obituary. This communicates the family’s wishes for privacy and prevents well-meaning individuals from attending unnecessarily.

6.  Add special messages.

It’s also common to include special messages, a prayer, or a short poem in an obituary. Personal touches like these can make the obituary more meaningful and resonate deeply with those who read it. This is, of course, entirely up to you or the family. 

Additionally, including a special message can also be a way to make specific requests or express gratitude. You might ask attendees to bring mementos to the service or thank certain people who were particularly important to the deceased. Or if the family would like to forego people sending flowers, you can add what they would prefer instead.

7. Choose a photo.

While it’s not required, a lot of people choose to include photos in an obituary. If so, it’s typically the family who chooses which photo to use. This photo is likely going to be used in the service as well. 

Choose one that shows them at their best—healthy, happy, and in the prime of their life, even if it’s an older image. This might be the memory many people will have of the deceased, so they must be remembered positively.

Opt for a photo that clearly shows their face. Ideally, it should be a solo portrait. If the photo includes other people, crop them out or make sure the deceased is the focal point. It also won’t hurt to enhance the photo. Just don’t go overboard.

8. Watch your word count

The length of an obituary often depends on where it will be published. Newspapers, for example, typically charge based on the amount of space the obituary occupies on the page.

This will affect how much detail you include in the obituary. Ask the family where it’ll be posted and set your word count accordingly. You can write multiple versions if they plan on posting it in different platforms. 

Example

Here’s an example of a typical obituary.

[PHOTO]

Michael James Anderson, age 52, of Maplewood, passed away peacefully on August 10, 2024. Born on June 5, 1972, Michael was a devoted father, loving husband, and an avid outdoorsman. Born on March 10, 1956, in Maplewood, Michael dedicated his life to teaching, inspiring countless students over his 30-year career at Redrook High School.

Michael is survived by his wife, Jane; his daughter Emily (Jonathan) Smith; and his two grandchildren, Lily, and Blake. He was preceded in death by his parents, George and Margaret Anderson.

A private funeral service will be held on August 18, 2024, for immediate family members. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the Maplewood Literacy Foundation in Michael’s memory.

Conclusion

No matter, if you’re family, a friend, or a hired writer, writing an obituary, will be daunting. It takes deep thought and skill to write what is essentially a snapshot of a person’s life that celebrates them well. Don’t rush the process, write with intention, and most importantly, honor the deceased. 

Have you written an obituary? Share your experiences below!

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