Jordan Gray is the #1 bestselling author of several books including The Introvert’s Guide to Dating. As a relationship coach and consultant, Jordan is a pro at helping productive CEO’s, authors, artists, and entrepreneurs create amazing intimate relationships that fulfill them and bring happiness and balance to their life. Jordan has helped thousands of people all over the world create better, more fulfilling intimate relationships.
Jordan is like Will Smith’s character in the movie Hitch with a little more class and much deeper insight. His work is profound and life-changing, and his books and blog have changed the lives and relationships for hundreds of thousands of readers.
In today’s show, Jordan shares some awesome tips on how to get the most out of your relationships in life, how to skyrocket your productivity as a writer, what to focus on when it comes to marketing your books, products and services, and more.
How to Get the Most Out Of Your Romantic Relationship
“Our romantic relationship is by far the most important one that we will have in our lives. The way that your partner affects your emotional state affects everything in your life.” – Jordan Gray
In a romantic partnership both people bring value to the relationship. Jordan helps couples where both people are driven to be successful. He also helps couples where one person takes more of the caretaker role while the other partner is an entrepreneur/author who pursues success outside the home sphere.
It’s important to remember that both partners contribute value to the relationship. It’s important to recognize and show gratitude for the value your partner brings to your life.
If you’re an entrepreneur who’s better at bringing money into the relationship than your partner, but your partner is better at bringing a loving and nurturing energy into the relationship, as long as you value those things equally, it doesn’t matter what society tells you is important.
If you secretly think that because you make more money you bring more value into the relationship, your partner will pick up on that and resentment will begin to grow.
“You can be making one million dollars a month, but if your emotional and relational life isn’t in line, that money isn’t going to save you in terms of happiness. On the flip side you could say the emotive, nurturing, supportive partner could be bringing more value into your life then your bank account, by a multiple.” – Jordan Gray
“If I listen to my inner voice, my intuition, my guidance, it’s okay. But the second I start listening to what other people are saying about ‘this is how it should be, and this is the way you need to do things.’ That’s when the guilt, anger and shame comes up, whatever those negative emotions are. And that can totally ruin relationships, whether it’s a romantic relationship, a business relationship, or any kind of relationship.” – Tom Corson Knowles
Fulfilling Relationships Recharge Your Energy
Jordan’s girlfriend Amy charged him up so much during a recent vacation that he was able to come home and write a book in three days. Using the techniques he learned from Tom, Jordan launched that book to number one best-selling status very quickly.
“There are certain things I can do to recharge myself. I can go to the gym, play guitar, read fiction books. But having an aligned loving relationship is such a force multiplier when it comes to recharging that energy. When I get back to my computer, writing a book in a handful of days, I can’t not do it.” – Jordan Gray
“A lot of people think ‘I’ll look for a relationship when I get to a certain point. When I’m making 10k a month or six figures.’ It’s such a backwards way of thinking. If you focus on your relational life first that gives you the foundation that will get you to milestones so much faster. Because you’re a supercar with super fuel in it.” – Jordan Gray
“As entrepreneurs, as authors, as creative artists our emotions, our relationships, and our social life totally affects our work life. If we don’t have everything else in order, it’s really hard to create work that makes a difference in the world.” – Tom Corson Knowles
“If you want to work on your artwork. Work on your life.” – Anton Chekhov
Whenever Jordan finds himself stuck on a writing project it’s never about the writing project itself. He is stuck because some energy in him needs to move.
Jordan’s Productivity Habits
In the last year and a half Jordan has created:
- 150 articles
- 8 books
- Four video courses
He gets his best writing done before sunrise. He wakes up every morning at 4:00 a.m. without an alarm clock.
Jordan writes with the dimmest setting on his computer screen.
He uses blue light blocking glasses which make your vision a bit higher contrast. The glasses also block blue light so you can write with them at night without messing up your hormones or disrupting your sleep.
He also listens to binaural beats. Those are sound files that play different frequencies in each year for different purposes. There’s a binaural beat for concentration. You can find more information about this technology at focusatwill.com
He puts construction ear covers over his ears to help block out sound.
All of those things help Jordan because he’s an introvert and prefers low energy environments to do his creative work in. Many extroverts might prefer something like a bustling coffee shop to write in.
What you have to do is experiment and figure out what environment helps you be the most productive.
Jordan schedules his writing time Monday through Friday. He usually writes something every day.
Becoming More Productive
“Once you give your creativity permission to build momentum it’s hard for me not to write something every single day. The more you stoke the fire the more it spits out little nuggets of gold you have to write down.” – Jordan Gray
It’s much easier to be productive when you schedule your writing time and write every single day. It’s best to have an idea of what you’re writing before you sit down to write.
When you try to write in big blocks of time it’s very easy to waste time if you haven’t made a plan for what you’re writing during your writing session.
“It’s not about how much can I write in one day. It’s about how can I consistently get myself to write every day. If I do that, the writing takes care of itself.” – Tom Corson Knowles
The brain functions on patterns. If you sit at a computer for hours a day trying to write unsuccessfully, you are teaching your brain that writing is frustrating and difficult.
If you plan a focused writing session for one hour, and you know what you’re going to write, and you write it, you are training your brain to be a productive writing machine.
“Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.” – Parkinson’s Law
A writer’s brain is never off. Your subconscious brain is always working on what you’re writing. If you write in short contained bursts, you give your subconscious mind more time to work through what you’re writing.
Another huge benefit to scheduling finite writing time is you don’t feel like you have to spend all day there. Writing becomes a joy instead of a chore.
“When you enjoy the process you don’t need a lot of time to get a lot of work done. You’re just in a state of flow enjoying the process.” – Tom Corson Knowles
It’s also easier to sit down when you remember that writing is fun, and it feels better to be productive than to be procrastinate.
How Jordan Got His Latest Book to #1
Jordan did some very specific things to have his latest book hit number one in multiple Amazon categories.
He had three versions of his cover mocked up. He split tested those covers in his target audience to see which one the audience liked best.
He opted not to go for the KDP free promotion this time. Instead, he focused on email marketing by having friends in the relationship space email their lists for him on the same day that he was doing a buck book promotion.
With just under 1,000 downloads in a very short period of time, his book achieved number one in the love and romance category and in the self-help relationship category.
He didn’t bother with Facebook or twitter announcements.
How to Build Relationships with Promotional Partners
Find promotional partners who are in alignment with your message and who you agree with.
Jordan doesn’t like 99% of the people in the relationship marketing space. The three people he does network with have genuine and authentic content that resonates with him as a person.
That makes it really easy to build a relationship, because he genuinely likes their content. When he goes looking for promotional partners he’s not just looking for a person with the biggest list. He is looking for partners who have content that align with his core messages.
In business and personal life, quality relationships are far more important than quantity of relationships.
The best way to build strong joint venture partnerships is to have such good content that people seek you out. You want to put so much value in the world that people in your space seek you out so that you can help them.
It’s much easier to be sought after rather than being the one doing the seeking.
When you make an effort to give value to the people you respect they will want to help you out.
The Importance of a Good Pitch
When you’re trying to build relationships with people it’s important to do your research. Go to their website. Read articles on their website. Get a sense of their message and who their audience is.
If you do your homework and craft a well thought out pitch that shows you’re interested in the marketer and what they have to say, you’ll be on your way to building a strong relationship regardless of whether the marketer decides to email their list for you this time.
Links and Resources Mentioned in This Interview
https://www.jordangrayconsulting.com/ – Jordan’s personal site. He has free content, a blog, video courses, and personal consulting available there.
https://www.focusatwill.com/ – take the free quiz to figure out what personality type you are. There’s a two week free trial, then the site costs $9.95 per month.
https://goodmenproject.com/ – a website that examines what it means to be a good man in today’s society.